YOUR HELP kindly requested
image from here
I know it’s happened to all of us, when we find out something very sad has happened to someone we care about. For me, my first reaction is not knowing what to do. I’m always at a loss because any gesture seems insignificant.
But from talking to friends who have been there, I don’t think the little gestures are insignificant. I think just doing some little thing or offering some little mundane service means so much. When you’re facing something hard, it’s good just knowing there are people who care and support you.
I’ve had a reader contact me this week with a question I was hoping you all could help with. Brittney writes:
Do you have any ideas for a close friend who is approaching the one year mark of her daughter’s death? We have since moved, and so it would be nice to have something sent in the mail. Any suggestions? Thanks!
If any of you have any thoughts that would help, I know I’d love to hear it and so would Brittney.
Tags: gifts of sympathy
October 7th, 2009 at 10:38 am
I have given people in this situation a set of wind chimes. Everyone i have given them too loves thinking happy thoughts about their loved one when they hear the sound of the chimes.
October 7th, 2009 at 10:45 am
I think you can have a star named after her daughter. Brittany’s friend would get a star chart with the position of the star so she’d always know where to look for it. A quick search on the internet turned up several sites…
October 7th, 2009 at 10:47 am
this is a great question.. my friend is dealing with her baby dying from heart failure. she calls him her ‘little bird’.. i found a bird charm and strung it along with a charm that says his name on it. she loved it.
also i think a memory box or binders to help her sort things would be perfect. i think the remembering is the most important part of death.
October 7th, 2009 at 10:49 am
On the one year anniversary of someone’s death I usually write a personal letter to the surviving family. I write how the person positively affected my life or other’s lives and sometimes both, depending on how close I am to the family. I also include a favorite memory of the departed. It is heartwarming to know that the departed is remembered.
October 7th, 2009 at 1:23 pm
i think sometimes just a simple note to say you’re thinking of them is great. a picture, a memory. just knowing you remember has got to help them shoulder the load.
October 7th, 2009 at 4:08 pm
An uplifting book full of inspirational quotes with a personal message written inside from you..letting her know you love and support her and the family.
October 7th, 2009 at 8:31 pm
I don’t think it’s the gift that matters, but just knowing that someone is thinking of you as you go through hard things lightens the burden. A nice note would be appropriate, and easier to do. I find if I strive for “perfect” I put it off, and miss the opportunity to reach out.
October 7th, 2009 at 11:53 pm
perhaps a personalized card (i’m thinking something beautiful — maybe letterpressed with the child’s name) with handwritten sentiments, and, if there is a “cause” associated with his or her passing (e.g. pediatric cancer) a donation in her name. (there’s a reason so many people start foundations/charities after losing a loved one. it’s life-affirming and positive to know that the death of one person can make a difference in a the life of someone else.
October 8th, 2009 at 9:17 am
I send a hug.
I know that sounds silly, but a year after a friend has lost someone I send a small hand knit (or store bought) shawl for a woman or a scarf for a man, along with a note saying I wish I could be there. If I was, I would wrap my arms around them and we would have a good cry.
I often get a phone call the next day and we go through our memories about the deceased.
October 9th, 2009 at 7:56 am
[...] want to end the week without saying thank you to all of you who helped out with Brittney’s question earlier this week. Questions like hers were really the reason I started this blog, and it gave me [...]